


no plan survives first contact with the enemy

by azurefishnets



Category: Pyre (Video Game), Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Character Had A Plan (It Did Not Include A Goose), Pyre spoilers, The Goose is an Avatar for an Entity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 07:49:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21115274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azurefishnets/pseuds/azurefishnets
Summary: Volfred's got a plan to enact, but it's a horrible morning in the Downside and I think you know the rest.





	no plan survives first contact with the enemy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laughingpineapple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingpineapple/gifts).

Volfred came back to himself slowly. The stars grew ever harder to Read, dim and suffuse as they were becoming. It took many hours to understand what they were telling him, sometimes, but the Liberation Rite would proceed against the Essence the next day and another one of the Nightwings would win their freedom if they proved worthy.

A hiss drew his attention, and he swung to face it, smiling. A chat with an old friend was always more than welcome. Rather than Bertrude, however, a white goose stood there, wings spread. When Volfred turned to face it, it dropped its head and honked. Without waiting further, it took his pipe, which he’d let drop in his abstraction, then turned and waddled away.

Volfred drew back in surprise but blinked to the goose’s side and took the pipe. She didn’t want to let go of it, and he had to shake her a bit. When she’d let go, he shooed her away and she honked indignantly at him.

“What are you even doing here, my girl?” he asked. “I’m surprised you haven’t been eaten by Howlers.” He moved forward, slowly ushering her away from the Blackwagon. She flapped and honked, and finally managed to get hold of the long tie of his belt, pulling it loose and letting his inner robes fall apart. He snatched for them and in his distraction, dropped the pipe again. Triumphantly, she took it and waddled away at top speed, disappearing into the brush.

Volfred pulled his robes closed and looked up. The Reader was there, staring at him with their strange, sad eyes, although, for once, the sadness was replaced by bemused mirth, their hand covering their mouth as they shook with silent, wheezing laughter. He opened his mouth. Shut it again. For once, Volfred Sandalwood was at a complete loss for words.

They searched for a while, but the pipe was gone. When they went back to the Blackwagon, the others met them, looking exhausted and haggard. The goose had visited them as well, moving some things, stealing others. Worst of all, she had managed to vanish yet again into the night with the Beyonders’ Crystal.

They all slept poorly, alive to any sound of the goose coming back. The next day, the Rites began early, the Heralds gliding onto the field to begin the ancient ceremony.

Celeste intoned, “The Pyres burn, and each of the triumvirates is present and prepared.”

Tariq concurred. “The Pyres burn, and each of the triumvirates is present and—”

With a resounding yet muffled honk, the goose waddled onto the field at high speed, Volfred’s lost pipe in her beak, dragging one of the Books of Rites with her, a pouch slung around her neck and tucked under a wing.

Celeste glared at Tariq. “That animal is still here? I thought you had managed to chivvy her away from the gate this morning.”

Tariq spread his hands. “Nay, Celeste, I thought you had.”

Tamitha and her team glided forward. “Let us be about our business here. Get it off the field.”

“I am afraid it is not so simple, madame,” Tariq replied, a look of faint concern crossing his pale face. “That this goose is here at this time can only mean that the stars have allowed it. She must be allowed to participate.” He pointed to the sky. “You see? The rarely-seen star Anserinae has come to preside over these proceedings.”

“What?” The Reader and Tamitha looked up simultaneously. Shining in the sky, a pure white star hung elegantly over them all, resplendent in its beauty and yet, somehow, horrible in its aspect.

“Herald. You cannot mean to tell me that the Scrrribes foresaw this… this horrrrrible goose at the sacrrred Liberation Rite.” The voice of the Archjustice echoed across the field, its sneering tones disdainful, its Rs even more prolonged than usual.

“Can anyone foresee a goose?” Tariq asked mildly, his brow furrowing. “Nevertheless, sirs and madams, the Rite must go forward. There is little time.”

“Reluctantly, I concur,” Celeste said, sighing. “Then, anointed one of the Essence! Come forth, now, and declare yourself, and pay any respects you have unto your adversaries, the Nightwings...and this goose.”

Tamitha unfastened her mask. “I am known as Tamitha Theyn. I mean to return to my ancestral home, and promptly resume my responsibilities as flight tactician of the Highwing Remnants…” The goose flapped her wings a little and shifted from foot to foot. Tamitha broke off to glare at her. “This animal has no bearing on the outcome of this match, and I shall have my freedom. It is an insult to Highwings everywhere.” With no further words, she turned away, refastening her mask.

The Nightwings hurried forward, Pamitha at the forefront, it being her turn to try for her ascent. “Well, darlings, this is not exactly optimal, but, win or lose, we have certainly seen something wholly new here today,” she said, reaching for the flask at her belt.

With perfect timing, the goose managed to grab the bottle and honked into it. “Hink!”

“Oh, now, darling, that is…” Pamitha hesitated. “Foul play…” Even she winced at the terrible pun.

“Let the Rrrites begin!” cried the voice of the Archjustice, heedless of her conundrum or the joke.

From the first, it was an embarrassing display. The goose wasn’t fast, but she was persistent and seemed to know exactly how and where to go to get the orb. Although she had none of the abilities the others displayed, she also had no Pyre to be quenched, and she was relentless. At last, both teams’ Pyres were out, and the goose stood triumphant.

The goose ignored them all and made for the Shimmer-Pool with a nary a honk in passing. Her wings flared wide, showing everyone the open pouch with the Beyonders’ Crystal in it. They could all hear Sandra laughing as she dove into the pool.

“You cannot mean to let that animal ascend,” said the archjustice. “It is a desecration of everything the Rites stand for. These holy proceedings! The Scribes’ will! Ahh! Get it away from—”

“Honk!” There was the sound of a scuffle, and the sound cut away with a blip, whatever travails the archjustice was undergoing hidden from them.

“Go then,” Tamitha spat bitterly. “Take your leave, accursed Nightwings.”

Pamitha said, “Sister, perhaps we—”

“Not another word, traitor. I did not go free, but my only solace is that neither did you.” Tamitha and the rest of the Essence swept away, heads held high.

Pamitha looked down. At her feet, her flask waited. Scooping it up, she said, “Darlings, what do you say that no one ever mentions this again?” Without waiting for an answer, she turned too, walking away.

Wordlessly, Tariq held out Volfred’s pipe, picking up the goose’s discarded Book and cradling it gently in his other hand. “I am sorry, Volfred sir. What this means for your Plan I cannot say.”

Volfred gave him a rueful smile as he took the pipe and lit it, giving it a deep puff. “Perhaps it is better that we stay here and let our visitor rout the Commonwealth all on her own.”

_Somewhere, a list was scratched out by an unseen hand._

_to do:_

  * <strike>_play the pipe in the presence of the Heralds_</strike>
  * <strike>_spill moonshine on the field of the Rites_</strike>
  * <strike>_ take roast goose off the menu and extinguish both Pyres_</strike>
  * <strike>_ get the Beyonders’ Crystal out of the Downside_</strike>
  * <strike>_ lock the Archjustice out of his office_</strike>
  * <strike>_ hijack the airwaves  
_</strike>
  * *<strike>_ become the new leader of the Commonwealth_</strike>


End file.
